Inspired by a bumper sticker

          Ocean Park isn't as bike friendly as I remembered.  I'm not even to 34th and the bike lane's already disipated.  Where did it go?  Oh well, it's still better than Pico.  Pico's a fucking disaster.  I swear a bus passes me every 30 seconds I'm on that goddam street.  I love public transit as much as anyone--I'm on a bike aren't I?--but those buses terrify me.  What good's a bike lane if you share it with a three-ton bus?  Is there a better solution--bus stops on the center median?  bike lanes in the center?  Fuck it, it's not like the the city gives a shit about this crap.
          Good call bringing the bike over last night.  Ahh, there's nothing like a four-mile ride to start the day.  I just wish I had aired up the tires last night.  It seems like this always happens.  Dammit.  Oh well, it's only four miles.  The front tire never has enough air in it, and I just checked it for flats.  Nothing.  What a pain in the ass.  It's ok, I'm on not driving.  But crap, I hate riding on ocean park.
          At least I get to ride by The Counter.  I wonder if that cute waitress is working today?  What was her name?  Claudia?  Do I care?  Not when she looks that good in a [one size too small] T-shirt.  Jesus, that was amazing.  It was a woman like her that inspired "I'd like some fries with that shake."  There it is--the doors are already rolled up.  Only in LA.  Nine more blocks and turn right--gotta take 20th; 17th doesn't go through.  Is that yogurt place new?  Must be, I haven't se
          Jesus
          "Watch what you're fucking doing," I yell.
          Why is she angry at me?  I have a right to the road too.
          "I have a right to the road too," still yelling.  Thanks for the honk.  What a cunt.
          "Cunt!"  Now she knows.
          I was sure she was going to pull out in front of me.  I still remember the last time that happened.  Well, at least right until I hit the fender.  And the physical therapy.  Can't forget that.  I should have worn a helmet today.
          Why are there speed bumps?  Would people really speed down 20th?  What am I saying?  I'd speed down 20th.  They may as well have put these here specially for me.  That's great, fly past me and slam on the breaks for the bump.  Way to save gas.  Jackass.  A BMW.  USC Alumni.  Shocking combo.  Only a 3-series.  Douche.
          My rear tire's rubbing against the frame.  I adjusted it yesterday and it's already rubbing again.  Fuck me.  I should have brought the Trek.  I'd already be home if I was on the Trek.  But then I would've had to deal with shoes.  I need to sell this bike.  I can't sell it, it gives me such hipster cred.  I should sell my mountain bike.  I can't even remember the last time I road it.  Anybody living in an apartment isn't meant to own three bikes.  Why can't I bring myself to sell it?  I have a rule--if something hasn't been used in a year, ditch it.  Why doesn't it apply to my bikes?  Tire's still rubbing.  I'm not stopping.  Got to make this light.  I never hit this light.  Yes, I'm actually going to
          "Fuck."
          I never hit this light.  Fucking Olympic.  Sweet, I get to wait behind someone who doesn't know they're allowed to turn right on a red.  Amateur.  I wish I had the authority to revoke bad drivers' licenses on the spot.  Alas.  'I'd Fuck A Catchers Mitt'...?  Who the fuck would put that bumper sticker on their car?  I need to meet this person.  Wait, I definitely don't need to meet this person.  Some of these bumper stickers boggle my mind.  Do people actually pay for them?  Is there some sort of shitty bumper sticker store I'm not aware of?  Does this bozo actually think it's funny?  Does he (she?) have kids?  These are the things I need to know.  There should be a website that chronicles these abominations.  I'm thinking ridiculousbumperstickers.com.  It would be like People of Walmart...only not as funny.  I'd go to that site.  No I wouldn't--I never even visit People of Walmart.  My attention span isn't short enough.  Long enough?
          Green light.